Continue (an upcoming audio I will be recording)

  • 17 January 2018
  • Coordinator

Can I talk about how important it is to keep going—when I myself just realized recently—that I am where I am in life—and experience—and feeling—and self-sabotage—is because I don’t believe I am worth saving? Can I—without hypocrisy—tell you that you must continue to try—to defy the odds—to try to succeed within your dream—and your mind—and most difficultly—to defy every time you’ve been told that you are worthless, told that you are nothing—and treated by others as though you are nothing—or treated by yourself…as though you are nothing.
I implore you—to continue.
Will you continue?
Even though you’ve worn shame as a second skin—and no one has ever known you—or seen you—and you believe—that no one will ever see you—or know you. And it might be true… maybe no one—will ever know you—and maybe no one—will ever—see you.
I implore you—to continue.
I implore you to believe that you are more than you are… and then you will become—more than you are. I implore you—to continue.
And can I tell you that it might not matter that the first experiences you had in life—might have been violent—or ugly—or unspeakable—and you can ignore all that. You can ignore yourself—when you believe that you are not worth saving—you can believe that you are more than you are—and then you will become—more than you are.
Can I tell you to do these things to save yourself—when I’ve had moments—hours—days—and longer—when I’ve more than wanted to not be—anymore?
Still, I continue.
Knowing that no words that I say are going to be good enough—or go low—enough—or far enough—to reach the unreachable—to reach—those of you who have been called stupid—or nothing—or worthless—just like I was—and you weren’t protected—or you were blamed for making it happen—and I know—whatever I say—will be shallow… or unheard.
And I admit I’m saying all of this to myself—the self that needs to hear these words. Because they were never said to me… they were never shown to me.
But I continue. I continue to scream—in a vacuum—I continue—to crawl over a floor within a room—that’s at the other side of the world—whispering.. I’m here. And it does matter that this happened to me—and it does matter that it happened to you—and it does—change—everything. And when you go through things like this it changes you. Maybe—you would have been better. Maybe—you would have been nicer. Maybe—you would have been less—distant—without it happening.
But I’m telling you—anything you went through—anything—any trial—any painful thing—anything you cannot even speak of…it’s so painful—it cannot alter the best part of you: the power and beauty within your soul. I implore you—to continue.
And I’m telling you—any awful—unspeakable—violent thing you are fearing now will break you—or unhinge you—or silence you—I’m telling you now—what doesn’t kill us—does not make us stronger—it merely shows us what we could have done all along without being backed into a corner. Get out of that corner! Get out of that corner now—and continue!
I implore you on the days when you don’t want anything—anymore—to Save yourself—to fight for yourself—even when you believe there is no self to fight for.. or self—worth—fighting—for.
I implore you—to believe that you are more than you are—and you will become—more than you are.
So we continue—together. We say these words together—and hear these words—together. Forever.