In the Head
I used to hit myself in the head when I became upset...unhinged...unable to see a way out of my mind-my trouble-my life. I would of course see yellow points of light and reddish hues in the area of my head I was hitting-and often I would get progressively more and more upset until the pounding in my head would not leave-even when the pounding of my head stopped. I just wanted every thought to go away, every remnant of me-to dissolve or vanish or be erased. It never worked of course, not that way-at least. Instead, I have discovered that by progressively failing-by progressively failing to attempt to reach a level I believe... I am discovering that I am becoming less inside.Not because of the failure to reach...but because I am beginning to see that my self perception was wrong to begin with..I was not to be anything more than any other person..trying to be more-and not succeeding. This is probably what everyone experiences but for me it-well- the rest I will leave unsaid. In short I have been wrong about everything.