The Walk Alone
Sometimes it doesn't seem as though there is any reason to live-but you must stall any actions to change living; do everything in your power to continue living..because-quite frankly-you may be wrong about your shame of self-you may be wrong about believing you are worthless-you may be wrong about believing you should die. So you tell yourself you will raincheck(delay)any impulsive actions that may lead to your death. Never underetimate the power of hesitation when it comes to putting off self destruction. You simply do not know how things will be a week from now-even if you think one day is like any other-and so a week from now will not make any difference. The difference is you can carry the powet to avoid self destruction. The difference is you do not have to believe yourself when you think you are stupid, or worthless, or deserved every ugly thing that has happened to you. Shame of being is overwhelming, it drowns out logic or reason-it appears when you are on the alone walk of wondering if that all life is-is that all that life will ever be-and will your mind always rally against you-will it always remind you that you have been at the bottom wondering why no one truly hears the shame as deafening , no one else deserves the ugliness as much as you did, the wise, knowing parents knew you down to the core-and saw you were not okay. You were not what they wanted. Ypu wete not along their walk or their minds, or their love and protection. This is the aloneness that the abused wear. This is the struggle that spells and crowds long and slow paths to the prayer that suicide offers; at last a last-word-and that last word... See? I was right. It hurts to carry your own mind when it pulls and pushes and argues against you and sides with the ones who abused you. To anyone now who is contemplating suicide I say delay. Delay. It will be difficult. It will be an alone walk. It will also be honest and yours alone to acknowledge--you at last deserve a break and time to see yourself without rancor.